So it’s been nearly six months of being away from work, with two more weeks of leave to go. Honestly, the extra leave I took after maternity leave ended in mid April was/is so essential. Joy is nearly five months old now, and while things are going pretty ok with the home routines, I am still pretty thrown off by the changes brought by this second addition to our family.
I remember feeling overwhelmed and exhausted while caring for just Noah alone when we were in Melbourne. I guess it shouldn’t come as much surprise that I’m feeling exhausted all over again now caring for both Joy and Noah. It’s not so bad on the days that he is in school, but every few weeks or so he has bouts of illness which keep him home (which means we are all stuck at home and I can’t really bring the kids out for much needed activity) and those are the times I feel like I have to remind myself to drink enough water, or even go to the toilet. Every meal is gulped down in a hurry and I eat like I don’t know when’s the next time I will get to eat again. I thought it will be easier since I have help from my mum and the helper, but I guess the tiredness comes as I can’t let go of doing things like nursing the baby, bathing/changing the kids, and play time. As it is mum already helps me bathe and feed Noah when she is over, while the helper plays with baby so I can bathe/eat. Other than that the days are pretty full-on: mothering around the clock with only a few hours’ break here and there when both kids are asleep.
Although I guess life could be less hectic if I got the helper to do things like bathe the kids and help them sleep, but to me, that just feels like getting someone else to do -my- job. What else would I be doing with the time? With the exception of quiet time with God, I would probably just squander the time away Facebooking. I could do things I wanted to do like read a book, or go for a massage/facial, but the thing is I don’t think I will be relaxed enough doing these things anyway knowing that the helper is having that all important bonding time that occurs during the daily chores of getting changed/baths/meal times and nap times.I guess I just find it funny that having wanted to have kids, I now spend so much time wishing they would hurry up and go to sleep/finish whatever they are doing so I can go back to my Facebook or Korean dramas or whatever.
Having said that, I’m really enjoying all the morning smiles with my cuddly baby, and seeing my toddler’s chubby cheeks slowly tone up to reveal the high cheekbones and twinkling grin of a handsome young boy. I relish the hard-fought post-tantrum snuggles when I know I’ve won his fierce independent spirit over in a moment of tenderness. I see my baby chuckle loudly as her brother dances wildly just to make her laugh and know that Galvin and I are living the time of our lives right now.
I just wish my mind wouldn’t go blank every time it’s time to have an adult conversation. Anyhow, as with all seasons, this too shall pass! So I just wish to take each day as it comes, with a heart full of gratitude. The time for everything else outside my tiny family will come soon anyway, as I head back to work in two weeks.