foot·ing

n.

1. Secure placement of the feet in standing or moving.

2.a. A surface or its condition with respect to its suitability for walking or running, especially the condition of a racetrack.

b. A secure place for the feet; a foothold.
3. The act of moving on foot.
4. Architecture The supporting base or groundwork of a structure, as for a monument or wall. Also called footer.
5. A basis or foundation: a business begun on a good footing.
After publishing my previous post on the wonders of part-time work and unhurried parenting, I was left with the nagging sensation that it presented a skewed version of things. Though I sounded so sure and satisfied in that post, I knew that there was no solid basis for the arguments I was making there, other than a kind of self-assured smugness in the right-ness of my own career and parenting decisions.
Enter the tantrum phase of a toddler just about to turn two. Life with Noah lately has been like walking on eggshells around a cantankerous giant who can’t quite seem to make up his mind. Small boy – big reactions. I’d also been feeling more and more disconnected from God, church, Galvin, and colleagues from work, due to my sporadic appearances in the office. After awhile, life begins to feel like odds and ends, amounting to not much at all. Gentle parenting seemed more like helpless parenting, in the face of a raving furious kiddo who would roll around on the bathroom floor because of a sudden aversion to having his clothing removed. I’d swallow my anger and frustration, and direct it at the next adult-sized hapless target who walked by – most often Galvin, of course.
I found myself caught in indecision after indecision – whether to send Noah to school daily, or just three days a week, keeping him home with me. Whether to cook today, or not. Whether to go to the pool, since it looked like it was going to rain in a bit, or stay home with a cranky and bored little boy. I had no idea what I was doing.
But now, things seemed to have taken a turn for the better. I chanced upon a book in the christian book store in Star Vista the other day and bought it on a whim – an excerpt from the book can be found here. It was such a relief to find some way of getting back into reading the Bible, which has increasingly seemed unrelated to my life and opaque to my limited understanding. I just needed a fresh wind, a fresh word from God, an assurance that His word is rich enough to provide all the wisdom, encouragement, and foundation that I need to keep moving ahead with confidence.
The first bit of the book I started reading already convicted me of my failure to submit to the spiritual authorities in my life – my church, and my husband. It reminded me that God was in the business of unconditional love – reaching out in kindness and faithful compassion to those who neither appreciate nor understand that we are just trying to love them. God hasn’t stopped reaching out to me, in my self-righteousness and self-sufficiency. I need to do the same. Ever thankful for His faithfulness to me in this journey … and I will continue to claim the promises of Psalm 112 in this season: that the children of those who fear the Lord will be mighty in the land; that the generation of those who are upright will be blessed.
Noah will turn out alright, as long as Galv and I press on in following our Lord Jesus Christ. After all, that is the one thing that we -must- pass on to him.
#Update: Since the last time I posted, Noah has started school, Galvin has gone back to work, and we’ve just started with a weekly part-time helper! I’m finally feeling that this will be it with the major transitions for now, and am glad that we can all just spend some time getting used to everything instead of anticipating the next big change. Of course, that will probably come next year when I go back to teaching … but yes, very happy to just enjoy the rest of the year ahead 🙂

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